Ollie: All good ships need to be christened so, I threw a party. Originally I wanted to sail down the Thames with Twin playing ‘God Save The Queen’ and all get arrested, reliving the great Sex Pistols moment in the jubilee year, but as my boat can only go 4mph, this is next to impossible.

As an alternative I threw a party, ARRRGH!! Champagne was cracked over the hull, the sun was shining and it was all merry times, until the sun went down. We got shipwrecked in Victoria Park and things got a little debaucherous. Alys’ boyfriend had a tattoo gun and I now have CUNT written on my inner lip.